Any way you break it down; even one second, is one second too long to be without you. November 15th will always be a day of remembrance for our family, as we remember the last time we held you in our arms and witnessed the last breath you took. It was the end point of your suffering and our beautiful life with you here on earth.
I can't imagine that there is a pain greater than losing your child. We miss you every. single. second. How is it that our hearts can feel so broken, yet so filled by the love that we have for you? You taught us to love so fully and for that we are grateful, but it doesn't take away from the fact that our lives will never be complete without you in it. Every family picture is incomplete without you in it. Every family event and holiday just doesn't feel right without you here. Our lives are forever changed.
We've experienced a year where joy and pain collide - a year of heartache, grief counseling, soul searching, and spiritual awakening, met with the pure happiness that we have experienced with your baby sister, Kelly. We are constantly reminded of how special you are and how blessed we are to have had you in our lives for the short time we did.
Your room still sits with all of your things, including your favorite stuffed animals and your SpongeBob bed sheets. Sometimes I let Kelly play around in your room. Kelly loves to touch your toys, but she especially likes looking at pictures of you. One of her favorite items is a picture book filled with pictures of you. She will sit and look at the pages, while chattering away with her baby babble and the occasional "Dada," when she sees pictures with your daddy in them. Kelly's entire face lights up when we talk about you and show her your pictures. I feel there is a connection that you and Kelly share, which is sometimes beyond my comprehension. It is often my reminder that your spirit lives on in all of us.
"When God gives you a child you teach,
when he gives you an angel, you learn."
 |
.jpg) |
| I adore this picture of your daddy staring so lovingly at you |
 |
| The last smile I was ever able to catch on camera |
Missing you so much Jakey boy. xoxo
I'm grieving with you Sarah.. I can hardly see the screen for the tears, your words powerfully capture the essence of not only your grief, but also the grief of a lot of the parents who have so closely shared your journey with Jakey . <3
ReplyDeleteoh what a little lover... He is just so beautiful and so missed.
ReplyDeleteI love that Kelly has a book of him, I have been meaning to make one for Peyton and Conner, you have inspired me. sending you so much love on this heartbreaking day-xoxo, Chelsea
So sweet. So sorry for the pain you must feel in the loss of Jacob. So very touching that Kelly has a connection to him as well.
ReplyDeleteYour words are so powerful and so true Sarah. I am sorry you have to feel such pain and loss, but I am happy your are filled with so much Jakey love. Sending you lots of love Sarah. Jake and Kelly are so lucky to have you as their momma. Xoxo
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteYour every word nurtures the love we all feel for Jake. I am so very sorry you have to miss your beautiful boy. Thank you for continuing to shine his light for all to see. Sending so much love to all of you. xoxoxo
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThere is no doubt your little angel is watching over his little sister and amazing mom and dad. His spirit will always be with you. He touched so many lives & his pure love & joy will forever be remembered. I think of him often and I am sending you lots of love in hopes it helps you get through each day. His smile warms my heart and I hope that the happy and beautiful moments you spent with him brings you happiness and strength
ReplyDeleteSarah and Josh,
ReplyDeleteI am sending you my love as you mark the year. Sarah, you never cease to amaze me with how well you are able to articulate your grief, your love and your hope. Jake continues to touch us all through you.
How wonderful that Kelly is growing up with Jake still very much a part of her life. I am certain he is watching over her.
I love looking at the photos that you have up. My favorite is the one on the mat with his musical ball. That smile still touches me deeply. As I remember Jake I am forever grateful for the time that I had with him, and your family. Those were some of the most precious moments of my life-I will cherish them forever.
I miss you guys.
Much love,
Christina
Sarah, it took me a few days to read this, as Jake's angelversary is very close to Dan's. Our lives and our paths are very similar down to the sheets on the bed. Wishing your family peace this holiday season. Sending all my love.
ReplyDelete