You Are My SONshine

You Are My Sunshine
My only sunshine.
You make me happy
When skies are grey.
You'll never know, dear,
How much I love you.
Please don't take my sunshine away

The other nite, dear,
As I lay sleeping
I dreamed I held you in my arms.
When I awoke, dear,
I was mistaken
And I hung my head and cried.

It's been six months since I last got to hold my sweet boy in my arms. I miss Jakey with every little bit of my heart. It's so hard to believe that six months have passed. Six months seems like such a long time, yet the time seems to have passed by so quickly. When you consider that six months is roughly one-quarter of Jacob's lifetime, it just makes me sad. Jake should still be here. Regardless of the time that has passed, Jake is still on my mind every day from the moment the sun rises and throughout the day, until I lay my head on the pillow to sleep at night.

Over the past five and a half months (since Jakey's sister was born), I've had many occasions where I've searched the depths of my "mommy brain" to come up with some nursery rhyme or song to sing to little miss Kelly. Of course, "You Are My Sunshine" has popped into my head in several instances, but I can never quite get the words out without getting teary. Such bittersweet words. This song is actually quite the opposite of bright, beautiful and happy -- words I associate with the sun. It makes me think of my little man. Jacob is the sun; my SON, who is, and always will be a bright light in my life even though I can no longer hold him in my arms. Even on the saddest of days, like today; it makes me so happy to picture his precious face and remember our joyful times together. I miss kissing those sweet cheekies of his and gazing into his big brown eyes.

When I think of Jake, I prefer a much sunnier song that helps me to remember him in such a wonderful way! I think I've written about Jakey's song enough that most people should know it by now..."Here Comes the Sun". As a matter of fact, in the last week I received two very special gifts about this very memorable song.

1. A lovely mother, who I was connected with via another one of the NPA babies, has been following Jacob's blog for a while now. Last week she sent me the sweetest video clip from a children's performance she attended with the song "Here Comes the Sun," along with a note saying she was thinking of Jacob and our family. That message brightened my day!!

2. A co-worker of Josh's step-dad told him about these beautiful wind chimes that she had seen, which were coincidentally made by a company called "JACOB'S MUSICAL CHIMES!" I'm not kidding!! Long story short, Josh's Mom and step-dad Paul tracked down this company and bought us the most absolutely perfect wind chime, which they had customized just for Jakey. They placed one at the cemetery with Jake and gave us another one, which is prominently displayed on our front porch alongside a special tree that was given to us after Jacob earned his angel wings.



Here Comes the Sun wind chime. If you look closely, you can see the reflection of a hummingbird garden stake that we have near Jake. I didn't even notice it, until after I took the picture. I'll save the hummingbird story for another day.  

Love you and miss you everyday little man!!