Running for Rare

We're still feeling the love from our incredibly special time spent with friends last weekend. Several months ago one of my best girlfriends, Jen asked me if I'd be interested in running a half marathon in San Francisco. I've run several endurance races in the past and even ran a half-marathon in New Orleans when I was a couple months pregnant with Jake. However, the timing wasn't right and I used my old knee injury as an excuse for not being able to run, knowing that my real reason for not running was because I would be 7 months pregnant by race day. Baby Brooks #3 was still a secret at the time.

Well, a couple months ago it turned into much more than 'just a race'. Jen had gotten together a group of our friends and other Jacob supporters to run in memory of our little angel. She even designed special running tanks with Jacob's picture that say "I'm running for a Rare ANGEL," complete with ladybugs and the words PERSEVERE ~ NPA on the back. Of course, the minute I found out, I broke out into happy tears because I was so honored that my friends would be willing to pursue a challenge of this magnitude fueled by the love they have for our little man. If you've ever run 13.1 miles, then you know it's not an easy task. There were many miles of training runs, sweat, blisters, and happy tears that went into this race.

Needless to say, I knew that even if I couldn't run the race, our family would 100% be there to cheer everyone on as they crossed the finish line! I even managed to squeeze my baby bump into one of the running tanks, because you know I'll be proudly sporting it post baby and pushing a double stroller. Josh and I wanted to support these amazing ladies just as we've felt supported throughout our journey with and without Jacob. Truth be told...we had a great time cheering on all the runners and felt nothing but JOY watching each of our friends race towards the finish line. Several of us even got a chance to share about Jake with people who inquired about our shirts, which always offers an opportunity to raise awareness.

6:00 AM pre-race photo with all the beautiful runners with hearts of gold!

 

A beautiful sunrise to greet the runners and perfect weather! Photo cred goes to Linda, as we were watching the race from our hotel room window when the race started. Kelly needed her rest :)

At the starting line: Tara, Jennifer, Jen, and Shelly

Team Jacob!! Josh stayed up super late making this sign for the race.

Some of our awesome cheering squad. You can always use more cow bell!! Grace and Ela were so proud of their momma!

Jen running towards the finish and setting her own personal best record. Way to PR girlie!!

Post race hugs with a couple of my besties. Kelly's even sporting her cute ladybug dress for the occasion

Look at that enthusiasm! Linda and Shanohn rocked their first half!

One of my favorite moments of the day was when Jen's daughter, Grace grabbed a hold of our friend Linda's hand to run the last mad dash of the race to cross the finish line together. Melt my heart moment!!

These ladies were elated to complete their first half-marathon and I was just on cloud 9 just from watching all my friends achieve their personal goals all in memory of our little angel.

Last Sunday was a day filled with such wonderful memories and loving emotions. Josh and I are so touched that our friends (new found friends too) would push their bodies to the limits and run a race in honor of Jakey. I know they all felt the love surrounding them with each step as our angel was with each and every one of them. I'll say it again...we are beyond blessed to have such amazing friends in our lives, lifting us up and helping to carry us through an often indescribable journey.

Tickled Pink

I had my 20 week ultrasound yesterday and am just 'tickled pink' to share that our family will be expecting a healthy baby GIRL!!! Our little miss is already quite the mover and shaker, so it took the tech a while to catch a clear glimpse. Baby girl Brooks is looking good and measuring right on track! Yay! Yay! Yay!

We're really excited that Kelly will have a little sister so close in age and know they will grow up to be the best of friends. Growing up with three younger brothers, I never got to experience having a sister, so I am thrilled to see what it's going to be like having a house full of girls. I know we've got plenty of girlie clothes and pretty bows just waiting for her arrival. Josh is going to be a bit outnumbered, but if she's anything like her sister, I know our little girl-on-the-way will have Daddy wrapped around her little fingers in no time.
 

Amidst the happy news, I have been overcome with a lot of emotions. Yesterday, it felt like a culmination of thoughts and feelings that I've been holding onto for a long time, finally surfaced. Mostly, I was incredibly sad knowing that Jake is not here with us to share in the excitement. I am devastated once again to know that he will not get to grow up with his little sisters. In my heart, I have always wanted three children and feel like this baby should complete our family, but I know our family will NEVER be complete without our little man Jacob. I can remember being a bit relieved when we found out Kelly was a girl. Deep down I was worried that having a boy might somehow replace my feelings of loss for Jacob, when the time came that he would no longer physically be with us here, even though I knew you can never replace a child. I have some of the same feelings now.


We would like the baby to have her own room, but Josh and I are both struggling with knowing that making space for our new baby will mean removing pieces of Jakey. I am so scared to change anything in his room because I can't fathom taking any more of 'him' away and honestly don't know if I can. 


My heart breaks a little bit more each time someone asks me how many children I have - I hate that question, but moreover, I hate having to answer it. And if one more person tells me how much harder it is to have two children...I honestly might scream!! Do you know how "hard" it is to care for a terminally ill child, knowing there is nothing within your power that you can do to save their life? Our family is blessed beyond measure to have another baby on the way and I am taken back every time I hear such thoughtless comments. I wish more than anything that I already had two children to care for and that I could hold my firstborn every day instead of grieving for him. As life goes on and our family grows, Josh and I will continue to share our memories of Jacob with our girls and make certain that their big brother remains a part of their lives.


Just so many thoughts going on in my mind, it has been overwhelming. Looking forward to our 2nd rainbow baby ~ a double rainbow for our family!

"Rainbow Babies" is the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow

does not negate the ravages of the storm.

When a rainbow appears,

it doesn't mean the storm never happened or that the family

is not still dealing with its aftermath.

What it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared

in the midst of darkness and clouds.

Storm clouds may still hover,

but the rainbow provides a counterbalance of color, energy and hope.

Watch Our Love Grow

It's been a while since I've posted and I can assure you that this blog post was worth the wait. We've had a lot going on over the past few months and have some exciting changes underway. With that, we are beyond thrilled to announce...

That's right folks, you read that correctly! Kelly is going to be a BIG SIS!! Our family will welcome a new little bundle of JOY sometime towards the end of August. The best news is that we've completed all the appropriate genetic testing and confirmed that our newest addition does not have Niemann-Pick Disease! We are so unbelievably happy and feel incredibly blessed to welcome another baby into our family. Little Miss Kelly Joy (so appropriately named) has brought such an abundance of joy and laughter into our lives; reaffirming our belief in God's perfect timing and giving us a reason to smile every day. We are so excited to watch our love grow even more.

I'm just over 15 weeks pregnant and feeling great! You might be wondering...Pink or Blue? Well, we decided to wait a bit longer to find out. Since we completed extensive genetic testing, my doctors already know the baby's gender, but we wanted it to be a little bit more special than an anticlimactic phone call revealing the results. Truth be told, all I ever need to know is that our baby is healthy! I wanted to wait until the baby is born, but between the 'planner-side' of me and a hubby/daddy who needs to know, we have ultimately decided to find out at our 20-week ultrasound. Meanwhile, Kelly responds very excitedly with the word "Yeah," when we ask if she's going to be a big sister. In fact, she is already working on mastering two new words: "bro-thurrr" (brother) and "siss-terrr" (sister). For now, guess we'll all have to wait and see what gender Brooks Baby # 3 will be!

Thankful for Family and Flag Football!

Thanksgiving has always been my most favorite holiday -- not because the table is filled with mounds of mashed potatoes and gravy (my fave), but because the table is filled {insert sappy comment} by those we love most! It is truly a day to count our blessings and be thankful for all that we have, as well as all of the life experiences that have made us who we are. 

I feel it goes without saying that we will never be more thankful than we are for being Jacob's parents. Jacob taught us what is truly important in life ~ Love & Family! Jake was such an amazing little boy, who filled our hearts with love and brought joy into our lives that has forever bonded our families. There is no greater gift than what Jacob gave all of us.

In honor of Jacob, we kicked off (literally) the day with an early morning flag football game at the park near our house. Josh's brother, Glenn organized the fun-filled game and we had quite the crowd of people turn out to play, as well as cheer on the teams. We even had special shirts for the occasion - grey pirates for the Raiders and red miners for Niners. I could think of no better way to spend Thanksgiving day, than being surrounded by those you love engaged in a 'friendly' game of flag (with a tiny bit of tackle) football. Our morning was filled with coffee, breakfast snacks, a couple of land mines (dog poo), a few stitches, and lots of laughs. It was the perfect way to bring us all together and honor Jacob.

 

Team Jacob

The shirts

 

Prepping the field (a.k.a. picking up doggie doo)

Pre-game practice throws
 

Picking teams...I want you "tall guy", "fast guy", "kid", "old guy"

Some of the 'red team' - go Niners!

Gearing up...putting on flags

Chase sporting his game flags

Josh and Glenn (official Jacob flag football game coordinator)

Let the game begin!

Auntie Hope and Kelly Joy

I'm pretty sure there is some tackle football going on in this pic, but I'm no referee

 

 

Great-Grandma Sharon in her festive feathered head attire

 

 

 

 

 

Kelly sitting at Jakey's bench with Grandpa Dennis

 

 

The absolute best part of the day was when a little ladybug flew onto Kelly (on the top of her hat) ~ incredibly special!
We knew that Jacob was with us all.

Our hearts (and tummies) are filled because of our amazing and supportive family, as well as our closest friends who truly are an extension of the Brooks/Kelly/Cotruvo/Strand fam! Thanks to all of our family and friends for all of your unconditional love and support. We love you all so very much!

2014 conditioning begins now...see you all on the field next year!!


~ Angelversary ~

One year -- 365 days -- 8,765 hours -- 525,948 minutes -- 31,556,926 seconds.

Any way you break it down; even one second, is one second too long to be without you. November 15th will always be a day of remembrance for our family, as we remember the last time we held you in our arms and witnessed the last breath you took. It was the end point of your suffering and our beautiful life with you here on earth.

I can't imagine that there is a pain greater than losing your child. We miss you every. single. second. How is it that our hearts can feel so broken, yet so filled by the love that we have for you? You taught us to love so fully and for that we are grateful, but it doesn't take away from the fact that our lives will never be complete without you in it. Every family picture is incomplete without you in it. Every family event and holiday just doesn't feel right without you here. Our lives are forever changed.

We've experienced a year where joy and pain collide - a year of heartache, grief counseling, soul searching, and spiritual awakening, met with the pure happiness that we have experienced with your baby sister, Kelly. We are constantly reminded of how special you are and how blessed we are to have had you in our lives for the short time we did.

Your room still sits with all of your things, including your favorite stuffed animals and your SpongeBob bed sheets. Sometimes I let Kelly play around in your room. Kelly loves to touch your toys, but she especially likes looking at pictures of you. One of her favorite items is a picture book filled with pictures of you. She will sit and look at the pages, while chattering away with her baby babble and the occasional "Dada," when she sees pictures with your daddy in them. Kelly's entire face lights up when we talk about you and show her your pictures. I feel there is a connection that you and Kelly share, which is sometimes beyond my comprehension. It is often my reminder that your spirit lives on in all of us.

"When God gives you a child you teach,

when he gives you an angel, you learn."

 

I adore this picture of your daddy staring so lovingly at you

The last smile I was ever able to catch on camera

Missing you so much Jakey boy. xoxo