Any way you break it down; even one second, is one second too long to be without you. November 15th will always be a day of remembrance for our family, as we remember the last time we held you in our arms and witnessed the last breath you took. It was the end point of your suffering and our beautiful life with you here on earth.
I can't imagine that there is a pain greater than losing your child. We miss you every. single. second. How is it that our hearts can feel so broken, yet so filled by the love that we have for you? You taught us to love so fully and for that we are grateful, but it doesn't take away from the fact that our lives will never be complete without you in it. Every family picture is incomplete without you in it. Every family event and holiday just doesn't feel right without you here. Our lives are forever changed.
We've experienced a year where joy and pain collide - a year of heartache, grief counseling, soul searching, and spiritual awakening, met with the pure happiness that we have experienced with your baby sister, Kelly. We are constantly reminded of how special you are and how blessed we are to have had you in our lives for the short time we did.
Your room still sits with all of your things, including your favorite stuffed animals and your SpongeBob bed sheets. Sometimes I let Kelly play around in your room. Kelly loves to touch your toys, but she especially likes looking at pictures of you. One of her favorite items is a picture book filled with pictures of you. She will sit and look at the pages, while chattering away with her baby babble and the occasional "Dada," when she sees pictures with your daddy in them. Kelly's entire face lights up when we talk about you and show her your pictures. I feel there is a connection that you and Kelly share, which is sometimes beyond my comprehension. It is often my reminder that your spirit lives on in all of us.
"When God gives you a child you teach,
when he gives you an angel, you learn."
|I adore this picture of your daddy staring so lovingly at you|
|The last smile I was ever able to catch on camera|
Missing you so much Jakey boy. xoxo